Just breathe
by poisongirlt
Summary: Danny's life was a routine, until a day he breaks it and wishes he could go back to that routine. Slash fic. DOC, maybe DF.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own CSI NY or any element of ot, characters included. In fact, I don't own anything, so don't sue me, please :)**

Cars are passing by the road with a higher speed than it was supposed in this kind of street. The cars came out from the big tunnel, lights still on, making old newspapers in the floor get life for a moment and fly.

Beside the end of the tunnel, a man with glasses in his hand is crying silent as the cars make his hair move. Sobs were scaping from his mouth as the pain inside magnifies. As he looks up, all his desperation is visible for the people walking in the street, but this is New York, and anybody cares for some unknown man's tears.

Ragged sobs turn into a slow flow of tears as he finally get up from the trash can where he was seated. There is no way out from this situation, there is no magic exit for this pain, just more pain ahead in the future, a life he won't be able to live. A future he don't need to live.

He closes his eyes as, slowly, start to walk ahead. Step by step, as more tears keep running through his face. Even with his eyes closed he can see the lights of some cars speeding through the road. He's at the edge now. One more step and everything will be over. One more step and all his problems will dessapear with his life.

He breathes one more time before taking that last step. He closes his eyes harder, waiting for the next car to take all his pain away.

A big shriek.

A car honks.

And suddenly, all goes black.

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Another day in the same routine. Get up from bed, take a shower, get dressed, go to work, get lunch, back to work, go to back home, sleep and back again. Danny was in a seriously need for some changes in his life. Andrew was still asleep in the bed, not even a bomb would be able to get him out of his peaceful sleep. Danny'd give anything to stay with him in bed, but work was calling and he needed to get up now.

Whistling a tune accord to the music from the radio in the bathroom, he started to do the same things he was used to do everyday. After the shower he took the keys and his jacket and went out to the street. Andrew and Danny had been living together for three months. They decided to share an apartment after Andrew was fired from his last job. Danny understood that, he was an artist, not a waiter. Those three months passed really faster for them. They have ups and downs, bu at least Danny is happy because he's close to his lover.

When he came into the crimelab the first thing he saw was a very bright smile from Stella, his superior, but also one of the few people he could talk to about everything. She was the only one in the lab that knew Danny was sharing more than just a flat with Andrew.

"Good morning Stel"

"Good morning to you too, Danny. I see you're happy today. No troubles in paradise?" Stella greeted him too as both were going to the briefing room, where Aiden was already waiting for Mac to tell them their new cases. "Have you heard about the new rookies in homicide? They say a few of them are very good looking, maybe we are lucky and some of them end up working wth us, Danny. That's it God, give me one more reason to come back tomorrow."

"That's bullshit, Stella, and you know it. You'd come back to work tomorrow even if you were the one paying. You're in love with your work. Well, your work and some inspector we all know..." laughed Danny.

As Mac came in and cases were asignated, Stella and Danny resigned to lab work, until a call made them left for a new case, located near Central Park. At the crime scene, a new homicide detective was already waiting for them.

"What do we have here" asked Stella, very professional, as she checked the new detective with the protection of her new shades.

"Male, 34. His name is Richard Winlow. The waitress from the restaurant in the corner was going to work when she stepped on the blood. She's over there, with the paramedics" said and signaled a girl, no more than 20 years old, who was seated in the back of a medical bus. "Poor chick got a nerve collapse, seems like this is the first time she sees someone dead." He chuckled and sighed. "Oh, I'm Don Flack. New in this precint. It looks like I'll be the link between homicide and CSI, so we'll see each other a lot"

"Hi, I'm Stella Bonasera, and this is Danny Messer. We are CSIs." said as she offered her hand for a shake. Danny did the same and noticed the strenght and kindness of his shake. This new detective looked friendly, not like the last one.

"Do you mind if we go back to work? I'd like to go back to the crimelab ASAP." He really didn't wanted to finish the conversation with his new partner, he just wanted to get all evidence as possible to get to his and Andrew's apartment, not soo far from here. Stella will cover him, she always do it.

"Yeah, sure" said Flack as he moved to talk to the witness. Stella looked at Danny, as if she knew Danny's plan and chuckled.

"He's going to think you are rude, Danny. You need to be more open to the people, and more so if they're going to be around you" said Stella as she started taking photos. "Aaand also there is the fact that he's cute. And I think he looked at you, so..."

"Don't go there, Stel, you know I'm off the market."

"You know I don't want to interfere in your love life, but, I think maybe Andrew is a bit possesive over you. I don't really wanted to say anything, but if you..."

"You said it, you don't want to interfere in my 'private' life. He's not possesive, he just want to know that I'm fine. Our job is not a very easy or safe one, and he likes to know after all I have to see, handle and do, I'm still fine"

"Yeah, Danny. Sorry about that. I'm just worried about you, I don't want to see you hurt" said Stella as she took the evidence bags and put them in the back of the car.

"Will you cover me, Stel? I'd like to say hello to Andrew, we're just 5 minutes from our apartment. I'd love to have a lunch with him, it's been ages since the last time we could have a nice lunch together."

"Of course, Danny. Just come back after lunch. Mac may suspect something if you are late." Stella then get into the car and left for the crime lab. The new homicide detective approached Danny.

"You're not leaving with your partner?" Danny looked at him. Stella was right, he was really cute.

"Nah. I'm going to have some lunch"

"If you want to, we could go together to get something to eat and know each other a bit better. We're going to work together after all." Flack flashed Danny one of his best smiles, and Danny smiled back.

"Rain-check on that, I already have plans for now, but we could go out some other day"

"Yeah, of course. No problem." Flack looked at Danny while he leave the crime scene. "See ya around, Messer"

"See ya Flack". Great. Now he just agreed to have lunch with another man. Andrew won't be happy if he know this. Better then not to tell him about the new detective.

--------

The walk to his apartment was really short. Less than five minutes after leaving the crime scene Danny was already entering the apartment, and instead of calling for his lover, he decided to make as little noise as possible and surprise him. The entire flat was silent, Danny even though maybe his lover left for some research, or maybe to get inspiration from somewhere. He was starting to get used to be left alone for a couple of days until he find something that motivates him to draw something.

He went to the fridge, to get something to eat, when a little sound made him leave the kitchen. Some sounds were coming from the bedroom, something like whispers. The bedroom was on the other side from the apartment, maybe that's why he didn't heard anything until now. He should be making some paintings, very concentrated as he uses to be.

More noises start to flow as he gets near the bedroom door. He's starting to feel sick. Those are not the noises someone should be doing while he's working, not even if he's pinting with a grat passion. Those are noises he never expected to hear without him inside that room. Danny stops by the door and, with his heart in a fist, slowly makes the door to open. Not even in a million of years he could have been ready to see what he finds once he have the guts to look inside.

Outside the room he had a direct vision to the back of the bed. It was unmade, as he left it when he left for work. Andrew was still in bed, but he was on his knees, his groin against some guy's buttocks, his cock deep buried in some guy's ass. The other guy was four legged on the bed, while Andrew had his hand around this man's cock. They didn't realized Danny was under the doorframe, they keep on moaning and whispering, all while Andrew keep on trusting himself deeper and deeper inside that stranger. Danny felt the world around him dissapear as he heard his lover call the other guy 'babe', something he hadn't called him in a long time. Danny felt all his strenght leave his body as he start to walk backward, not being able to stop looking the scene in front of him. He hits the wall behind him, making not many noise, but enough to make Andrew look behind him and confront a very pale Danny.

Andrew looked surprised for a second, just before he smiled and, without taking his eyes off Danny, started to trust even harder into the other man's ass, making him to take his knees up the bed. Andrew also begun to stroke the man's cock even faster, making him to scream, almost to crack for the need of release. The whimpers became as erratic as Andrew's trust as both men came while Danny looked at his lover's face.

As Andrew turned his head to kiss the other man, Danny got enough strenght to get away from the hall and the apartment, running all the way until he found himself outside in the street. He needed to get away from there, he needed to breathe, he needed to be somewhere far from here, so he begun to walk against some people that passed him, no matter where it leads.

-------

Three hours later, Danny gets into the crime lab building. His face is still pale, and some of the people gathered in the hall look at him. Danny gets into the elevator and pushed for the 35 floor. Inside the cab, Danny tries to breathe, trying to make the air in his lungs expade enough to recompose his broken heart. As the doors open, an angry Mac welcomes him.

"Where the hell were you? You are here to work, you are suppossed to be doing exactly that, not taking free time everytime you want to!!" yelled Mac. "Where the hell have you been? What kind of excuse do you have for this?"

"I'm sorry Mac, This won't happen again." Danny's voice was very low.

"I'm tired of this behaviour, Danny. Today you take three hours for lunch break, while all the people in this lab have to take a sandwich from the machine because we're outnumbered. Yesterday you get a phone call during a case and leave the scene to talk, other day you leave some evidence out of security because you had to leave... This isn't just today, Danny, this is starting to affect the group and the lab. One more thing and you're fired. Do you understand?"

Danny looked down, unable to say anything. Mac was right, he was starting to be a burden for everybody. "I understand, Mac."

"I don't want to do this, you are leaving me no other options" With that Mac left the hallway and entered his office, looking at the young man one more time from behind his cristal door.

Danny sighed and went to trace, where Stella was alredy looking some evidence in the microscope. When she saw Danny she looked at him with an angry face. "What the hell were you doing, Danny? You were supposed to walk in here as soon as you finished with your lunch. Yo can't tell me you were eating all the three hours."

"I..." Danny seated in one of the chairs arounf the big table. "I'm not in the mood to talk, Stella. Please, I don't think I can handle this from you too."

"You... Don't tell me this is all about that boyfriend you have."

"I don't know if I have it anymore, Stel. Please, don't start on it again. I can't right now." Danny was almost crying, although Stella didn't seem to realize.

"Do you know Mac was yelling at me because I left you at the crime scene, even after I told you not to be out for too long? No, you don't know the kind of yells I had to stand just because you decided to stay a little longer with your loved boyfriend! And that's not all, I had to examine the evidence alone because you were too busy to come back to work! Very well done, Danny."

"That's not what happened, Stella, let me explain"

"You know what, I've had enogh of you and your while little lies for a while." with that Stella stood up and left the room, leaving behind a broken and shattered Danny who, in a few hours, had lost his lover and his best friend.

**That's the end of this chapter. If you like it, let me know**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own CSI:NY nor its characters. They're property of CBS and Jerry Brukheimer. **

There was still sun in the horizon when Danny finally got out from the NYPD building. He was still trying to find himself in all that mess his life was turning on. Home was not home anymore, so he was starting to debate where he should go when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Another crime scene to attend, and this time, alone. At least he may leave his debate for later; maybe some time occupied may help him clear his ideas.

The scene was really simple to solve; husband killed wife because he found out she was having an affair. Very proper according to his mind state. What really puzzled him was the fact that the new detective was very reluctant to help him. All detectives were really into their own job; talk to witness, take notes, talk to officers, take notes… This new detective was really different. He approached him a few times to talk, and even asked him if he needed a coffee or something. Another day maybe he'd talked more with him, accepted his coffee, or even invited him for a beer, but today wasn't a very good day, he had a lot of things in his mind to be polite or pay attention.

Taking all the evidences around the crime scene in his case, Danny took a round for the door. When he was almost there, he turned around and saw the new detective smiling at him from the other side of the room.

"Do you need anything?" asked Danny, puzzled by the fact that detective was looking at him again.

"I'm sorry we had to call for your help. We already have the confession from the husband and the testimony from the neighbours, I just felt we better tied this up with physical evidence before we may have a change in the confession or my witness gets too scared to talk." Flack gets closer to Danny as he's talking, until they both are by the doorframe. Both are very close when he ends his argument, and Danny felt relieved, somehow, that this time Mac wasn't punishing him with these kinds of jobs.

"Don't worry. It's my job, after all. It's been a pleasure working with you again." Said Danny, and a part of him was really glad the new detective was this kind with him. This is exactly what he needs right now, people taking care of him, no more having to care abut what they are thinking about him. "See ya around, Flack" said Danny as he turned again to leave the apartment.

"Wait a second. Do you… want to talk about something? I saw you this morning and you looked different, happier. Now you look kind of depressed. I don't want to get into your life, is just you look like you need someone to talk to."

Danny looked at Flack. He looked sincere, like a friend offering a shoulder in a moment when you're feeling down. "I think I can handle this. Thank for your offer. Maybe someday we can have a laugh in front of a couple of beers"

"Yeah, that'd be great. See you soon, Messer." After he said that, Flack turned around to talk again with the officer that answered the call. Danny felt a bit intrigued, why wanted this man to know what's wrong with him? He started to walk again downstairs to his car. He didn't really needed to think about this, but what was he going to do with his life.

The lobby of the NYPD building was full of cops ending their work hours and the ones taking the orders for a new shift. In the middle of all that chaos a few handcuffed hookers were trying to make the rookies nervous by calling them for a full service for free. Danny passed by the hookers, he did it fast, but not enough to pass unadvertised. One of the women get too close to Danny and got a hold of his packet while tried to change her freedom for an easy lay. "You'd like it, I can take you to heaven and more so. You just have to take me free from here and I'll be yours." Danny struggled to get away from her while the rookies tried to stop the others. Finally Danny hit the hooker and could get away from her, not before falling to the floor and hitting his head with a chair. He felt pain in his groin for the pressure she made, and he felt a bit dizzy, maybe for the hit in the head, maybe because he hadn't eat anything since this morning's coffee. Danny loses consciousness as a lieutenant came to him to see if he was fine. When he comes back to life there is people around him. He tries to get up and almost collapsed against the lieutenant when he felt the world make a few turns again. The lieutenant made Danny to sit down and then made a call to the paramedics. After being sure the women were being escorted to the cells, the lieutenant went to talk to the rookies, making them responsible for a detective injured while he was reporting evidence to his superior.

At the mere mention of his superior, Danny got up and started to walk to the elevator. Mac was going to kill him if he's late again. He pushed the button for the 35 floor again while held his case stronger. He was starting to fell sick. He should had hit the chair harder than he though.

When the elevator doors open, in the hall there is an angry looking Mac. "What took you so long this time, Danny. You were supposed to be back a quarter hour ago. Some other day maybe this is anything, but today, after all you've done, is a big deal."

Danny got out from the elevator and tried to talk to Mac, still in the hall blocking his way into the lab. "I'm sorry Mac, I've had a problem downstairs. I was…"

"No more excuses, Danny. Not this time." Mac breathed had and gathered the strength he needed fr what he was about to do. Danny could see hesitation in Mac. "You're fired Danny. Give me your gun, your badge, and the case."

Danny couldn't believe this. Mac was really firing him, and this time he hadn't done anything. "Mac, listen, I'm trying to tell you…"

"Don't make this harder. You were a good CSI, you may had a future here, but your choices hadn't been exactly good for a time. You made this, Danny, you made me do this." What really made Danny surrender weren't Mac's words, but his look of disappointment. He had been a failure. Maybe this time wasn't really his fault, but the other times he was he only and one responsible for his demeanour.

The throbbing in Danny's head was unbearable. Still shaking from the pain and the emotions he was feeling, Danny took off his gun and his badge and gave them to Mac. He left the case in the floor and then tuned around to get inside the elevator again. Looking to the back to the cab, he pushed the button to close the door before he started to cry. When the doors were closed he pushed to the first floor. He'd walk the last step, better not to see anybody in these circumstances.

Not more than one hour passed since he left the NYPD building when Danny found himself in his and Andrew's apartment. He made the way without eve thinking his destination, just made what he was used to do everyday. For a moment he forgot what happened, maybe it was caused by his headache, maybe it was just his mind shutting off to evade from all the bad things that were happening to him. He unlocked the door and went inside.

There was something weird. He didn't remembered packing his things before he left, but there were three cases in front of him. They were bad closed, and some of the shirts were almost out. He looked up and found Andrew, smoking from a cigarette and looking as if anything that was happening had nothing to do with him.

"I didn't expect you to come today. I though maybe you wanted to come tomorrow, when I'm not here. Your things are packed." Danny looked at him with a weird face.

"You are kicking me out of my place after you lied with another man?" Danny smiled and laughed to the situation. "I can't believe you think I'm going to leave. This is my place, I pay for everything."

"And I thank you for that, but, you see… I live here. You can go with that bitch you work with, or you can screw someone to have a warm place. You see, it isn't very difficult to lie to those desperate men."

"And what am I, one of those desperate men? Who where you with before?" Danny started to raise his voice, even if that gave him more pain.

"That was my boyfriend" said Andrew, very calm. Danny looked at him as if he was crazy, but he just kept that look in face that said that he wasn't kidding.

"What?" Only one little voice came out of Danny as he looked completely defeated. Andrew looked at him as if it wasn't anything.

"He's my boyfriend. We've been dating for three years, the problem is none of us have money to rent a decent place."

"You've been using me"

"You were perfect, Danny. You have a work that consumes your life. You're never around. He's been living here and you hadn't realized. All I had to do was pretend I cared about you. My boyfriend even told me I was overacting, but anyone outside would think I was over poser" Andrew took a chair and seated on it. "I don't really care what you're going to do now. This is my place, our place. I signed the papers because you were called to a scene, do you remember? This is mine. And now, take your things if you want them."

Danny started to walk down to the door when he heard Andrew talk again "I wouldn't count with your money. I need it to pay the rent for a few months; after all you didn't realize I was taking it bit by bit." Danny kept on walking to the door.

After he left the building he realized exactly the situation he was on. He didn't had a job, he didn't had a lover anymore, he didn't had a place, he didn't had money, he didn't had friends, and he didn't had hope.

It was almost midnight. Danny had been walking for at least one hour when he though about his options. He took his cell phone and made a call without stopping his walk. The pain in his head was getting worst, and he felt and ache inside his chest that made him difficult to breathe. He was really desperate, that was the only reason why he was making this call.

"Hello?" came a soft voice from the other side of the line.

"Mama. It's me." Answered softly Danny.

"Louie?"

"No, Mama, Daniel."

"Oh, Daniel. How are things going? Why are you calling at this time of the night? You father is sleeping, and he don't like to be awake by the phone." The voice turned and now it wasn't sweet anymore.

"I have a problem, mama. Can I come over to stay? I'll be just one night. I'm not feeling very well."

"You already have some disease? Told you your kind were sick"

"I hit my head pretty bad before, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay, mama." She'll never change. Danny though about the time when he told his parents he was gay. They called him a lot of things, any of them could be considered nice. Louie was worst, he told him if he ever see him to run. Any Messer will be a faggot and live to say it.

"You say this has nothing to do, but all have to do with the way you live."

"Mama, please. I'm calling you because I need your help. Maybe I'm gay, but I'm still your son. Can you help me, please? I'm… I need it. Please." Danny was crying. Knowing he's rejected by the society for the gender he loved was cruel, knowing your family is ashamed of you is unbearable. There is a possibility, maybe his mother acted by his father's orders. Maybe she'll help him. It's impossible the woman who tugged him in his bed when he was a child, the woman that kissed his knees when he fell in the park, the woman who cried the first time he made a home run in school may left him just because he liked men instead women.

"You stopped being my son the moment you decided to go to bed with another man. Don't call here ever more" and then Danby heard a hit and the beeps signalling the dead connection.

Danny felt his heart stop the moment his mother hung up the phone. He felt himself near collapse, so he took seat in a garbage can in the sidewalk. He had no idea where he was or what he was going to do. He took off his glasses and felt his broken heart trying to escape through his tears. There is anything for him in this world. There is anything he can do. He was a deception for everybody; Mac Stella, his family. What would they think of him after they knew what the love of his life had done to him? He was nothing, just a shadow waiting or the sunrays to kill him forever.

_There is just one way t get out of here_. He though while he got up from the garbage can.

_There is just a solution for all his problems_. He though while he got closer to the road, where he could hear cars passed by fast.

_There is just one to kill this pain_. He took the last step into the roadway.

_There is just one way to stop being the deception I am. _He left himself surrender to the black warmth as he heard a car horn and the sound of tires getting closer to him.

**That's the end of chapter two (I know, I'm bad). Reviews are really appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: don't own anything. I realized I made a mistake in the beggining, placing it in time with Lindsay and Hawkes when it was before they became CSI. I changed it. Sorry for the mistake, blame me.**

There is nothing, not a sound, not a light. Warmth surrounds him, while his body seems to be floating in the air. He feels like there isn't anything beyond him, the sensation was like that one time he jumped from a plane, just before he pulled open the parachute.

He remembers the first time he played baseball with Louie and his father, they were at the Central Park, they didn't used to go there, but his father wanted him to play his first time there.

He remembers his fourth birthday, and his most appreciated gift, a simple baseball glove with a signature, his own signature, that his mother put up the chimney because their son was going to be the best player New York would ever conceive.

He remembers how proud his family was the moment he became a cop. Hughes, kisses and all he could wish become true after a painful injury took him out of baseball.

He remembers his first kiss under the moonlight with Tommy, the swimming team captain at the High School, how they were only friends on the outside, while his heart still beats faster every time he thinks about him.

He remembers his first time with Tommy. He remembers the pain and his first not self inflicted orgasm, he remembers after that moment they told them how much they loved them and then cried like stupid cheerleaders.

He remembers how sad he felt when Tommy decided to have a normal life with a normal girl, to follow the prototypes instead make his own. He remembers he felt sorry for him, because he would never be happy.

He remembers now the painful stare in his mother's eye the moment he told her he wasn't going to date the neighbour's niece because he wasn't attracted to women. He remembers now how his own father kicked him out of his house because he wasn't his son anymore. He remembers now the moment he really realized he had lost his own family, his American dream family just because he was attracted to people of his same gender. He remembers now he still can't understand why.

He remembers how he made his own family again, how he had a paternal figure in his own boss, how Stella acts like the sister he never had. How Aiden was like the little sister he enjoyed annoying.

He remembers how he started to be happy again, how he was starting to accept himself again. He remembers now how his bad taste in men made him loose everything he had, he had lost his family for the second time.

He realizes he's free, but this isn't the way he should become really free. He should be able to fight the demons that keep him captive, and instead, he was just surrendering, he was letting them all win him, he was demonstrating he was the worthless shit he's been told he was by everyone. He feels free for the first time in a long time, like he's been sleeping and having a bad dream and suddenly he woke up to the warmth of a comfy bed in a secure place. But he wants this feeling to end. He rather be living in suffering, day by day demonstrating he worthies to be living than spend all the eternity wondering himself '_what if I'd fighted?_'

He realizes if he wanted to be worth, he had to fight this warmth, he had to become cold again, he had to let himself suffer, he had to start feeling again. He had to follow the voice he was starting to hear, calling him, calling for him. He lets the peace go, and welcomes the strident noises that announced him he was living again. He kept on hearing a voice calling for him, while a hand strokes lightly his face and his hand. He's lying somewhere cold and wet, probably the road he stepped before.

The voice keeps on calling for him, and every time he tries to move and open his eyes he hears relief in whoever is trying to wake him up. He tries to open his eyes again and the lights from the street blinds him and made him close his eyes again. The voice encourages him to do it again, to look at him and keep his eyes open. There is something in this voice that makes him feel secure, and he does, he opens his eyes and tries to look around.

"That's it. How are you? Are you ok? You shouldn't move, I've called for an ambulance. You scared the shit out of me, Danny. Do you need anything? Do you want water or something? Are you ok?" He took a look around him and saw he was still lying in the floor, some people around him talking, probably about him and how stupid he was for crossing the street in that point. What really took him for surprise was the fact he knew the man that was in front of him was.

"You are the new detective, Flack. What happened?"

"You were crossing the street and a car almost hit you. You collapsed before it stopped." Flack kept on stroking his hand, although his other hand went to his almost damp hair. He liked the way he was being nursed by the detective. Danny tried to get up but Flack pushed him lightly to prevent any movement.

"How much time had I been out?"

"Not more than two minutes, I've been trying to wake you because I know the car hadn't hit you, but you have a nasty hit in the head. I called for an ambulance."

"You were near when I fell?"

"Danny, I was driving the car that almost hit ya. You scared the hell out of me. I was looking for a chocolate bar in the glove box when suddenly I saw you in the middle of the street." Flack looked up when he heard the sound of the bus. Danny felt insecure again; he didn't want to be left alone again. He reached for Flack's hand and he looked down gain. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Danny answered with a smile, just before two paramedics started to look at him and made Flack leave. Danny felt himself being lifted and transported to the bus, and he wasn't afraid because before the doors closed Flack stepped inside, baring his badge, and demanding them to let him go with his partner. He was sure Flack notices his smile under the oxygen mask.

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After hours of tests and making him a TAC, he was diagnosed brain contusion. It looks like when he felt against the chair in the police station he made more damage than he though. That's what made him lose consciousness and confused him enough to make him cross the street in the most conflictive place. He hadn't corrected the doctors on the real reason why he did it. He wasn't ready to confront the fact that he had been very close to surrender at this point.

Doctors told him he was able to leave, but he couldn't fall sleep in the next few hours, and to be sure Flack offered himself to be around him and bring him back if he sew something wrong. Danny accepted, the problem was he had nowhere to go, but he wasn't reclutant to stay in the Hospital anyway.

He put the jacket on again and then started to leave the room he had been for at least three hours. Flack was already waiting for him with a stack of papers in his hands. "What are those papers for?" asked Danny.

"Those are for the insurance. You injured yourself in the station and in work time. I need to take this to them to pay the bill. You really don't want to know how much a TAC cost these days." Flack raised his eyebrows in an attempt to make him think he was serious, but Danny could smile knowing he had to pay for it because he wasn't in the force anymore.

"Listen, I.. I don't know how to say this…" Danny tried to talk but the words couldn't come out. He wanted to tell him he wasn't a cop anymore, he wanted to trust him what really happened, but he wasn't ready. Not yet.

"Don't worry. You'll know when you're ready." Danny looked at Flack in the eyes, it was like he was reading his mind. Flack closed the beige folder and stepped closer to Danny. "Do you want something to eat? I'm dying hungry here."

Danny smiled "Yeah, sure. I'm hungry too"

Flack tossed his arm around Danny's shoulders as he took him outside the ER area of the Hospital. "I know a few places around here, but we'll have to walk. I parked my car near the place you collapsed while the paramedics were looking at you. What do you prefer? Italian or somewhere you could get a very big steak? Oh, just tell me you're not vegetarian, I can assure you if you consider eating to stick in your mouth some leaves I'll be the one collapsing."

"No, I'm not a vegetarian, and, in fact, I'd love a big steak right now." Danny smiled to Flack, who was escorting him through the street still hunging to his shoulders.

**That's all now. More chapters ahead. Reviews are really apreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author note: I edited the first chapter. This story is placed before the series beguin. Sorry for the mistake ;)**

Ten minutes ago, Danny was leaving the Hospital to go have dinner with Flack. Two minutes ago, he was already seating in a hidden restaurant. The sun was starting to rise, but he was used to eat whenever he could. It wasn't a surprise for him neither the fact that little business like this one was open at this time, they survived with out of clock customers like him.

The headache he supported since he hit his head was starting to disappear; surely all the pills the doctors gave him had something to do with it. He took a sip from his glass of water and looked to the door, where Flack was making a phone call. He should be calling his girlfriend to tell her he's not going home.

Flack closed his phone and stuck it in his pocket as he went inside. At the same time their orders were coming to the table. Danny took the fork and the knife and started making little pieces of the big steak in front of him. When he finished cutting it he looked at Flack's plate and saw half of his meat was already gone. Danny looked up and saw Flack chewing a piece of meat while looking at Danny.

"I told you I was hungry" said Flack with a smile when he finished chewing. "Are you going to eat your food or you're looking for the evidence of the weapon that killed the poor cow?" Danny looked his own food and started eating. He was really hungry, but it looks like Flack was more.

When they both finished eating, Flack offered Danny his cell phone. "What's this for?" Flack flashed him a smile "That's a cell phone, and people use it to call other people, like your boss, because you need to call him if you're not going to work this morning. I already called mine, had to tell him I was the one sick."

Danny went cold. Flack didn't know Mac fired him, even after he called his boss. Maybe that's why he kept on being nice with him. "I got fired yesterday. You don't need to lie; you should go back to work and forget about me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. What happened?"

"It's a very long story, and you should go back to work." Danny stood up and took his wallet out of his pocket. Flack took his hand and put some money on the table as he looked at Danny.

"Look, I can say you're hiding something more. You need to lean on someone before all this shit explodes in your face. I know we barely know each other, but I'm trying to help you here." Danny looked at his hand, Flack was still holding his wrist, but he wasn't making any oppression, just barely holding it, as if to reassure him he wasn't alone.

"It's a long story, and probably, after I finish telling you all, you won't want to see me again." He looked at Flack and saw him with a sweet smile.

"I doubt it, Danny, I seriously doubt it" Said that, Flack released Danny's hand and stood quiet, waiting for Danny to open up and make move.

Danny kept on looking Flack's eyes. He really wanted to trust him, he desperately needed for someone to lean to, someone to trust so he could relieve some weight accumulated in his shoulders. Somewhere inside him, he knew he could trust him, he knew he could be the strength he needed, but it was hard and difficult to trust someone after everybody failed you after you failed them. It was his decision, it as now or never. He decided he wanted to fight for his freedom, for his happiness, but any of it would be possible if he's the only one in this fight. There is a moment when you need to ask for help, and this is it.

"I'd like to go somewhere else, don't feel like talking here" Danny said. First step is done. Now all he has to do is follow the direction the step is giving him.

"Do you want us to go to your apartment?" asked Flack while he took his coat.

"I'd rather go yours, if you don't mind"

"Yeah, sure. Let's go."

Flack's apartment was clean. That's the first though Danny had when he trespassed the door that opened Flack's world to him. From where he stood he could see the standing room and the kitchen. Bedroom and bathroom should be after the door at the end of the standing room. He stepped inside the room and seated on the black coach. In front of him there was a big tv screen. He could hear a door closing and Flack coming. He breathed deep; he had to be strong now.

"Too soon for a beer, too late for a tea, and we don't want you asleep right now, too nervous for a coffee... You run out all my options, so I bring you water." Flack seated beside Danny on the coach and put two glasses of water on the table between them and the tv. "I have milk and orange juice, but they've been here for so long I've already put them names. In fact, I'm thinking about making them pay some of the rent" Danny laughed at his comment. He was starting to feel comfy beside him, so he wished this wasn't the last time they would be like this.

"It all started a long while ago." Flack stood silent waiting for Danny to continue. Danny looked at him and kept and continued his story. "I have… had, a relationship, what a thought it was a serious relationship. We were living together, I thought we were happy. Yesterday, after Stella and I processed the crime scene where we meet, I went home, to our apartment, and…I found my boyfriend in our bed with another man." Danny stood silent waiting for Flack reaction to his declaration. After all that happened in his life he expected a lot of things, rejection, hate, even physical pain, one thing he didn't expect was silence. He looked up to Flack, and instead disgust or hate, his eyes just showed interest, he was simply waiting for Danny to continue and showing no signs of hate or rejection. Flack even seemed to be showing some sort of compassion in his eyes.

"He saw me, and didn't stop. He just kept having sex with him while he looked at me, as if I was just a wall, or a flower vase. I felt empty, used…" Danny couldn't stand anymore the memory of that scene and broke on a silent cry. He hided his head in his hands, as if trying to block the image of himself to the outside world, and then he felt a hand stroking softly his back. After a few minutes of silent cries, Danny's face remerged and he took his glass of water with shaky hands. He looked at the glass from above while he kept his back curved, still feeling Flack's hand supporting him from behind.

"After I caught them I run from the apartment, I had to get out of there. I walked for hours, I didn't even know where I was going, until I noticed the time and that I was supposed to go back work. I went there as fast as I could, but it was already late and Mac was angry at me. He didn't know about Andrew, my boyfriend, I correct, my ex-boyfriend, so I couldn't tell him why I took all that time. He assured me another mess and I'd lose my job. Later Stella came too; she blamed me because she covered me so I could go back to my apartment, and Mac was angry with her too. She didn't like Andrew, now I understand why, so she didn't let me explain. I've never seen her so angry before." Flack stroked him with more strength, assuring him with that subtle contact that he could count with him to whatever he needed.

"After that, I kept on working, and when it was almost time to leave I got assigned to the other case. When I left you on the crime scene, as I went into the station, a hooker tried to hit on me so I could free her, so when I tried to escape I fell and hit my head. That's how I got the brain contusion." Danny took a sip of the glass in his hands and then put the glass in the little table in front of him. His shake was starting to cease, and Flack's hand on his back seemed to be the reason.

"I think I blacked out after the fall, a sergeant was trying to stop me from leaving, he even called for a bus, but I needed to go to the lab. When I escaped and finally reached the lab Mac was there, and he was really angry, and he fired me." The last phrase was said with a whisper, but Flack understood it clear. For Danny it wasn't just a job.

"I couldn't believe all that was happening to me. I think the hit in the head made me blur for a second, because suddenly I was in my apartment, with Andrew, and he told me he was using me since we first meet. The other man was his long time boyfriend, and I was just the one that paid the rent. He chose me because I was the stupid man that was always working and also made money. He's been stealing me and I didn't even notice. After he told me all that I felt used, abused, betrayed… but also felt it was my entire fault, I should have realized, I should have notices something was wrong. Stella told me to take care, she never liked him, and she saw something wasn't right, but I was unable to do so."

"And that's what I'm now. I'm a stupid man that yesterday woke up happy beside who he thought was the love of his life and today is a mess who finds himself without love, without friends, without an apartment, without money, without a job, and without a family, 'cause they don't forgive me for being gay, not even after I asked for help because I was in the street and didn't know what to do."

Danny's tears were starting to flow again. He tried, he really tried to be strong, to kept them from coming out, but he wasn't unable. The headache he suffered all the night wasn't anything compared to the pain and empty feeling he had in his heart. Suddenly Flack's hand wasn't in his back anymore and felt him leave his place beside him. He was waiting to be told to leave the place when he felt Flack kneel in front of him and his arms held him in a sweet embrace. Danny surrendered and let go all he had inside. He cried, he cried hard in Flack's shoulder until he felt himself unable to cry anymore. Although he was better he couldn't let go of him, he hung to him even harder than before, asking for human contact, and Flack did what Danny's body was asking, he started to stroke his back with both hands, showing him he was there for him, and for the first time in a long time, more than he even though, Danny felt himself relax knowing he had someone to lean on.

More than half an hour passed between sobs and some tears, and when Danny seemed to be calmed, Flack retreated and talked to Danny as he kept on stroking his face. "I know you need to rest, but the Doctor said no sleeping before tonight, so, why don't you take a shower and relax a bit? After that we should go and talk to Mac."

"I have no clothes, and Mac said I was fired, no matter what I say, I've lost the only job I'm good for."

"I don't want you to think you're already back but if you fell on the lobby and a sergeant called for an ambulance, there should be some sort of report to justify your absence. You also had a contusion, and that's why you were unable to stand back his accusation. About the other things, take a shower, I'll lend you some clothes that may fit you, and after that, we'll se what we can do."

"Why are you helping me? We barely know each other…" Danny's eyes stood firm against Flack's, the first ones with doubt, the second ones with reassurance and care.

Flack simply looked at Danny with a half smile. "Why don't you take that shower? I'll go look for some clothes for you after I make some fresh coffee for me and tea for you. Bathroom is the second door on the right behind that door. If you need anything, just give me a call."

With that, Flack stood up and offered his hand to Danny to stand from the couch. Danny accepted it and after he released his hand turned to the bathroom. Before entering the little hall, he turned back and saw Flack staring at him. He didn't knew his reasons, he wasn't ready to trust anyone after all that happened him, but something inside told him he wasn't going to trust this Don Flack.

He already does.

**Reviews are appreciated. Really appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

Water drops fell over Danny's face. The warmth was helping to ease in part the tension he had accumulated in the last few hours. He took more soap; he needed to wash away all the possible remains from the person he though to love. It was unbelievable all the changes a life could have in just a few hours, the most exhausting hours in all his life.

Doctors said the concussion was the reason why he tried to cross the street. He hadn't told anything to Flack, he's not sure he should tell him. He tried to commit suicide, and the pain in his head had nothing to do with the pain he needed to stop, a pain that came from a broken heart and a shattered ego.

The water was starting to get cold. He really had no idea how many time he had been inside the crystal shower. The cold water felt good against his skin, making him feel alive, making him realize all that happened was as real as the numbness he was feeling in his fingertips. He was starting to shiver, so finally turned off the shower and started drying off with a towel he found beside the shower's door. His clothes were nowhere to be seen; instead some clean ones were beside where he found the towel.

Danny went out the bathroom to the kitchen dressed with Flack's clothes. The pants were a bit long, but despite that minimal detail, he looked comfortable and refreshed. Flack was walking towards him with a steaming mug. They both stopped behind the couch where they both were seated a few minutes ago, or was it more than an hour ago?

"Take this. I'll be good for you. Sit down, relax, and wait until I shower so we can leave, ok?" Danny nodded as he took the mug, the warmth of his liquid making him feel his fingertips again after the cold shower. Flack let for the bathroom as Danny started to drink the hot tea. From the bathroom he could hear the sound of water hitting the shower walls. The shower really made him feel a lot better, the hot water eased his muscles and relaxed him, while the cold one made him feel alive again. Wait, cold, he used all the hot water…

"Damn!!" Flack swears were audible from the other side of the apartment. Danny get close to the door and shouted "I'm sorry", while Flack was still inside showering with cold water. He stood there until the shower stopped and Flack went out of the bathroom, covered only with a towel around his waist. He looked surprised to see Danny so close.

"I'm sorry I took all the hot water. I didn't mean to make you take a cold shower just because of me. I'm really sorry." Danny said, trying not to look to the almost naked detective a few inches apart him.

"Nah, don't worry. There is nothing like a good coffee and a cold shower to stay awake after 36 hours without sleeping. I'm going to get dressed. It won't take me more than 5 minutes." Flack turned and went inside his bedroom. Danny followed him until the bedroom door closed. Damn, he has a nice chest, and back…

He felt himself blush suddenly, he couldn't believe he was feeling attracted to his saviour, or maybe was the fact that he saved him the reason why he was starting to lust over him. Well, let's be honest, that and the fact that he was a very good piece of man. He surely has all the girls he wants, and if he want guys, surely he could have all he wanted.

Danny took the remains of his tea just before Flack went out his bedroom clad in jeans and a sweater. His hair was still damp from the shower, and his face was a bit flushed, maybe because he had dressed in record time. "Are you ready to go?" Asked Flack, looking more enthusiastic to help him than Danny to be helped.

"Where are we going?" Danny was surely needing someone to force him confront his demons, but he had so many he was going to need a NY map to point out all the places he should go.

"First of all, we're going to the source of your problem, your apartment. No, second, first we need to take my car from where I left it last night." Flack smiled and Danny responded whit a sincere smile.

"So, we go to get your car and then we go to my apartment." Danny remembered the last time he was there and his conversation with Andrew. "I don't know if I…"

"I'll be there with you. You're not alone Danny." And those were the last words said in the apartment as they took their coats and went outside.

Danny stood outside the door of the place he used to call home, unable to knock the door. He left the keys inside the last time he was there, and now that he recalls, he left there his badge and his gun. He was so used to do it he must have done it without even noticing. He felt Flack behind him, his back resting to the wall in front of the door. He was staring him, waiting for him, trying not to push him. He had to do it when he was ready. But he will never be ready for this. He raises his hand and knocks the door three times, hard enough to make someone inside notice him.

The door opened and Andrew stood under the mainframe, blocking the access to the apartment. He felt Flack tense behind him as Andrew looked at him. He looked at Danny again and smiled.

"What do you want, your things? I'll take them out for you." He tried to close the door while he went outside, not expecting Danny to push open he door violently as he went inside. That took by surprise Flack, who fast went into the apartment behind Danny. That took by surprise even Danny, he needed to go inside, so he did.

"What are you doing? Get out my apartment!" Yelled Andrew as Danny stood in front of him. "Oh, well, now you have a body guard you feel invincible, no? I want you out of here now, or I will call the cops, the real ones, the old fashioned rude cops."

Danny started to back out. He wasn't ready for this, it was too much. Just yesterday he was his dream man, today he was a stranger who took away all the love and changed it for hate, a hate he wasn't sure he deserved. Danny felt behind him a stare, Flack was there, and he wasn't going to go. Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again he didn't saw the man he loved, he saw the man that lied to him once and again, the man that used him and left him without anything. He didn't deserve to be threatened like scum by this low life rat.

"What have you done with all my money" His voice sounded strong, more than he expected. Andrew looked surprised, but wasn't going to let this go so easily.

"That's what you came for? The money?"

"No, I came here looking for all that's mine." His voice didn't flinched, he felt strong.

"Look, I'm not going to give you anything. It's mine now. You didn't care for it, and I needed it, so now it's my money, my apartment, and my life."

"I don't care a damn about you. I want what it's mine, and I want it now. You want to keep this apartment, keep it, I don't want to be near anything that makes me remember me what you have done."

"What makes you think I'm going to give you anything? Legally, this is my place, the papers are all signed by me. And you should prove the money I have is really yours and not mine, and you can't do it. So take your things, leave and never come back." Andrew was getting nervous, Danny could see that, but he also saw that he wasn't going to give him anything. He started to back off when he felt Flack looking at him, as if asking him if he could make something. Danny nodded and Flack got closer to Danny's ex.

"Look, I've been a good boy, but now it's over"

"Who's this one? You got a night stand to come here to threaten me? You're going down, Danny, you're really a loser. At least you looked for someone cute." Flack stood between Danny and Andrew.

"You jealous Danny's getting some? You told Danny you had a relationship with another man, where is him? Oh, don't tell me he was the night stand…"

"He's out, he needed some things to…"

"I don't believe you…" said Flack as he smiled.

"I don't need you to believe me."

"I'm going to tell you what I want." Flack started to get closer to Andrew as he backed "I want you to give him all the money you stole from him. I want you to give him all his things. I want you to be out of his life forever." Andrew hit the wall with his back as Flack kept on getting close.

"What if I don't do it?"

"You'll have problems. Lots of problems. First of all, he'll sue you for all the money you stole from him. And while you wait for court, you'll be without anything. Second, you'll be even worst than the number one public enemy for all the cops. If you go to boy milk, you'll get arrested for harassment, if you drink a beer at a bar, you'll get arrested for public disturbance. If you drive to see your grandma, you'll get arrested by fast driving. Do you get it?" Their faces were just inches and even Danny could feel the fear in Andrew.

"And how're you going to do it?"

"You'll see, I'm a… How did you called them? Oh, yeah, old fashioned rude cop. And I have a lot of connections. I can have you arrested in five minutes if I want you, and just a little suggestion of child molester near the cell and you'll be wishing you'll be dead. And trust me, I'm not faking. If I tell you I'll do it, I'll do it. Do you get it?" Andrew nodded. "Good. Now, what are you going to do?"

"I'll make the transactions and he'll have his money this morning."

"And?"

"And I'll give him all his things now."

"And?"

"And I'll never will see him again."

"Good. You see? People get understandings when they talk." Flack smiled and patted Andrew's shoulder with more strength he'd do it with a friend. "Now go."

Andrew went inside the rooms and Flack turned to look at Danny. They kept on looking each other eyes until Andrew came back with Danny's things. Silently, Danny opened the shelves of the little table beside the door and took his badge and his gun. Then he went near Andrew, took two bags and went outside. He needed air, he felt breathless, he should have been the one confronting Andrew, he had backed off again. He was nothing but a coward. He went downstairs and then walked until he was beside Flack's car. He let the bags down and rested his side against the car. He heard footsteps and the sound of bags getting to the floor. He turned and faced Flack. He was staring him with a serious face. Danny started to see blur when tears filled his eyes. He tried not to cry, he tried to control himself, he tried not to show his emotions.

Suddenly, he felt himself be surrounded by two familiar arms. He tried to back off, to hide and close in himself again, until he couldn't resist anymore and just let himself cry and release all the pain he had inside. He clutched to the body against him and felt a soft voice try to comfort him. He couldn't get all Flack was telling him, he just caught something about him not being ready, that he was more strong that he expected, and lots of _You're not alone_.

And between all the cries and sobs, he could only say "I know"

**That's the end of this chapter. Reviews are really appreciated.**


	6. Chapter 6

The city speeded in front of his eyes as the green light opened the street to Flack's car. The road was silent, for Danny was a time to think about the future, his life, how was he going to survive in a world that was showing him there wasn't a place for him. Beside him Flack was driving silent to an unknown destination, at least for him. Right now, there was just a nail holding him in this life, and that nail seemed to be this detective. There wasn't any reason why he should be helping him, they were no friends, and, until just yesterday, they didn't even know each other. But here he was, lying to his boss to help him, being used to take all his things from his apartment to his car when he wasn't unable to do so because he was starting to break again. And he wasn't asking anything in change.

The car came to a stop in the side of the street. Danny recognised the street as the place where Flack lived. "What are we doing here?"

"We're going to take your things up, and then, we'll eat some. I'm hungry. After that, we'll go and see Mac. Does that sound good to you?" Flack asked as he killed the car's engine.

"Yes, but, why are we taking my things up?"

"You're staying in my guest room all the time you need."

"I don't want to…"

"Stop that" Flack stopped Danny putting two of his fingers in his lips to keep him from talking anymore "I know what you're going to say; you don't want to be a burden, you don't want to complicate my life… or something like that. I'm offering and I won't take a 'no' as an answer." Danny nodded and Flack released his mouth. "Well, now, take a couple bags and let's go home." Said that, Flack opened his door and went out the car. Danny stood inside a little bit longer, just waiting for his heart to beat at a reasonable speed again.

When Danny entered Flack apartment for the second time that day, and his life too, he saw the bags flack took upstairs beside the couch. He put the bags he was carrying beside them too and then went to the kitchen, where Flack was looking inside the fridge, looking for something to eat, probably.

"Ok, what do you want to eat?" Asked Flack as he leaned his back on the counter.

"I don't know. What do you have?"

"Nothing" answered Flack with a smile. "But I have these" and then he showed him a bunch of takeout menus from at least 20 restaurants. Danny smiled, after all, they are very alike. He never cooks, and it's not that he don't know how to make a delicious pasta or fried eggs, it's just he never have the time or the ingredients to make anything.

"Whatever you like."

"Ok, so do you like…" Flack looked through the menus looking for one in concrete "aha! Italian?" he smiled as he showed one so Danny could see it.

"I love Italian."

"Yeah, me too. Two takeout menus? They have very good plates, I'll just tell them to bring today special." Flack took the cordless phone waiting for Danny's answer.

"Ok" Flack step inside the kitchen again to call the restaurant as Danny stood in the living room, looking at the couch where he opened his heart just a few hours ago. The sun rays came from the window and bathed the room in a warm glow and, for the first time, he allowed himself to take a look around.

There were a few pictures in a bookcase, and Danny step closer to look at them. There were some of them of his years in the department, some other with friends and one of his gradation at the high school. He looked young in that photo, dressed with the black attire, with the hat, a diploma in his left hand and also pretty happy. He took the frame, and observed all the details. He was sure the man beside him was his father, they both had the same smile, the woman on his other side should be his mother, and those eyes couldn't lie. A young Flack had his arms around their shoulders, while the tree looked pretty happy to the camera.

"It was made the day of my gradation." Danny hadn't heard him coming, but Flack was standing behind him looking past his shoulder at the framed picture.

"You look very happy here"

"I was. That day meant the end of a time for me." Danny put the frame back in his place and turned to look at Flack. He looked sad.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Flack looked up and Danny saw a flash of pain in his eyes that changed to his usual grin. "Nah. It was a long time ago, and you have a lot of things to worry about than my problems."

Danny took Flack's left hand and directed them both to the couch. Flack stared at Danny when they both were seated, his eyes asking him what he was doing. Danny stared him pleading to be his confident, and then Flack sighed. "Not more than 3 weeks after that photo was taken my mother was killed in a car crash. She was the chain that kept all the family together, so after she died we all separated and went out with our lives, not really caring what happened to each others." Flack looked at Danny, blue eyes colliding for the first time since they were back in his apartment. "I didn't want to know what was going on, Danny; I just pushed everything out of my shoulders and try to live my life. It was in front of me, all the time, and I just turned my head." Flack stopped talking and shifted his position, his back now to the couch. "I just worried about myself and left everybody's problems out, until my father, that had turned alcoholic while I was mending my own life letting him alone in his misery, tried to kill himself with his own service gun."

Silence invaded the room, the only noises were coming from outside. Flack was looking at some point in the floor between his feet and Danny was staring intently to his new friend. He didn't know what to say, what to do; he had never consoled anyone, he wasn't someone who would sit and hear someone talk, he wasn't the kind of guy you could ask some advise. He wanted to made him knew he understood his pain, that he wanted to be his shoulder to cry on as much as he had been his, but he really didn't knew what to do. He felt Flack needed support, and he decided to made him knew he wasn't alone in his pain. Danny extended his hand and touched softly Flack's knee, who looked up at the moment he felt the hand. Danny then saw Flack had tears in his eyes, but he was smiling while he was staring with tenderness in his eyes. Danny felt a tug in his heart at this vision, here was a man tormented because he wasn't able to help someone he loved, here was a man that made himself a strong person and offered everybody his best smile so people around him can feel better.

"I came in on time, I took the gun out of his mouth and talked to him, but he hadn't been the same since then." Flack kept on telling his story while looked Danny's hand on his knee. "He was a cop, a living legend, but he had to quit due to a depression. He hadn't tried to do it again, he knows I'm here for him, but, sometimes, when we're alone, he tells me he's sorry I had to witness him. We both missed her too much, she was the one who mediated between us when we had misunderstandings or simply fight. Suddenly one stupid fight became too much because she wasn't there to help us and we both split. Think about those days still hurts." Then Don put his hand on top of Danny's and squeezed it. "Thank you. Talk about the problems really helps, it helps a lot to share the weight from your shoulders."

"That's why the shrinks got those big paycheques?" asked Danny, smiling. Flack laughed too and they both felt the tension ease, letting come a feeling of comfort. Danny kept his hand on Flack's knee as Flack kept his on Danny's hand. Silence came again in the room as they both seated comfy on the coach staring at each other eyes. This wasn't one of those silences that made people uncomfortable.

This was one of those silences that made them realize words weren't needed to express void thoughts as long as their eyes could speak all the feelings from their fast beating hearts.

**Thank you all for your reviews. Keet them coming, it help to know you are interested in this story.**


	7. Chapter 7

Lunch passed by with ease for both Danny and Flack after they talked a bit more about their problems. Danny felt more comfortable now they shared their secrets and problems. It was unbelievable how a little chat could help two manly cops like them. Danny also understood a little better Flack. He was still suffering from that time when he saw his father trying to kill himself; he really didn't need to know he also tried to commit suicide stepping in front of a car, his car. Now he knows he's lucky he's still alive, and not just for him, for Flack too.

They were again in the car, with the traffic and some radio channel as the only noise inside the car. Flack is driving and Danny is simply staring ahead him, thinking about himself, thinking about the mistakes he made, because he had some fault in this all, and he knew.

For Danny there had always been an important person in his whole life, Danny.

That had always been his problem, he had only been thinking about himself. He didn't even bother to look around and worry about others; he had always some sort of problem. That was what set Stella on fire, and he noticed it just now. With her he felt more at ease because she was his confident, the only one he could talk to, but he really didn't knew too much about her. He knew she had been through a lot too, but he never get interested in her problems, their relationship was always around him, it wasn't even a relationship, it was more a one way friendship.

Another red light, their car stopped first in the line behind the lights. They could see the cars speeding in front of them and Danny felt his life was like that, he was a passive car watching everybody around him move not caring about it.

Cars kept on passing by as he looked beside him. Flack was moving slightly with the music on the radio. He looked relaxed and happy, and then he understood the importance of being the support for someone else. He felt, somehow, the smile Flack was giving to anyone in particular was because he could take off the weigh off his shoulders, and part of that smile was because of him. Flack turned and caught Danny looking at him. Both of them blushed lightly and felt relieved when the lights turned green once more.

"So" Flack started, "have you thought what you're going to say to Mac already?"

"I'm not sure yet. It depends on how are things there. I want my job back, but if he filled the papers and already sent them to admin there isn't anything I can do. I just hope this isn't the case"

"Me too. I have the reports from the hospital. They gave them to me because I showed them my badge. We can show them it's all true. Also I'll help you, I guarantee you I'll help you in all I can."

"I hadn't thanked you for what you told Andrew. Without you I don't know where I could be. For a moment even I believed you could have him arrested lying"

"It's nothing." He said as he parked in a vacant spot near the police station. "The trick is being able to do it." He said as he opened his door and left the car. Danny looked at the space where Flack stood just seconds before. _He could have done all of that just to help me?_ Danny smiled and went out of the car, ready to catch Flack, who was waiting for him at the entry of the station.

Both of them entered the station ad passed all the controls. As they were getting to the elevators a voice shouting "Flack" stopped them both.

"Shit!" muttered Flack just before he turned to look at the voice "Hi captain, how are you?" Said Flack looking kinda bad.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be sick and now you're here with… who's him?"

"He's one of the CSI I'm working with now. I was feeling better after lunch and I though to drop by and take some reports home, so I can make some progress with the paperwork I hate so much."

The Captain looked at Flack and then to Danny "Make sure he goes home after he gets those papers. I can afford to lose one of my best detectives because he didn't cure a cold for good." Then the captain put his hand on Flack shoulder "You look sick, rest today and tomorrow, kid. Come back the day after, I want you rested and cured. You got it, detective?"

"Yes, sir." After that, the captain turned back and went to his office. Flack and Danny got into the elevator, Flack still a bit nervous. "That was close"

"You looked sick, really sick"

"I admit I felt sick for a second." Said Flack, then looked at Danny and begun to laugh. Danny looked at him and felt the fun of that situation strike him. Both were laughing when the elevator stopped at the 35 floor, and just before the doors opened both turned back to their serious semblances.

The entry was like always, full of people in lab coats running from one side to another as they were reading files, reports or results. At they came into the hall, Mac's office became visible at their left. Mac was inside, talking to someone through his phone. He seemed agitated, not very usual for him. As Mac saw Danny in the hall he hung up the phone and went to his door. "Danny, can you come here?"

Danny looked at Flack "I need to do this alone."

"I understand. I'm here if you need me." Danny nodded and went into Mac's office. Mac was seated in his chair and motioned Danny to sit in the chair in front of him. Danny closed the door, taking a last glance to Flack, who was in the same spot where he left him, looking at Danny. He took his seat in front of Mac and suddenly he realized his stare wasn't angry because he was in the lab after being fired, he looked concerned.

"Where have you been, Danny? I've been calling you all night and day and I haven't been able to find you."

"I… Why were you looking for me?"

"I had an interesting call last night, from a sergeant downstairs. He said one of the officers left free a suspect and that she hit you pretty bad. They called for an ambulance and when it arrived you weren't there."

"I didn't think it was bad enough to need an ambulance, Mac."

"That's why they called me from the hospital a few hours later telling me one of my detectives left his lab identification in the ER after he collapsed in front of a car?" Mac passed his hand through his hair and sighed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't even noticed I lost it"

"I don't mind the identification, Danny; it's you the one that had me worried. I called you at you cell and it appears disconnected, then I called you at your home and a man says you don't live there anymore, then I called at your home and your mother says you're not his son. I didn't know where to look for you. I went to the place where the car almost hit you last night and found you cell phone crashed, then I went to the hospital and a nurse said you left with another cop, but anybody here knew who."

"Why did you take all that problems, Mac? I though you fired me just yesterday."

"I admit your behaviour lately has been putting me on the edge, Danny, but the reason why I fired you is now not enough to do so. The sergeant downstairs explained me why you were late, and it also explained why you didn't tell me what had happened, so you're not fired. In fact, you're on medical leave until the day after tomorrow."

"I'm not fired?"

"No, Danny, but you're still on probation until further notice. Do you understand it?"

"Yes, Mac. Trust me, I won't disappoint you."

"That's good to hear, and now, are you going to tell me what the hell is happening?"

"First of all, the reason why I was late after lunch was the man in my apartment, the one that said I didn't live there anymore. He was my boyfriend, and yesterday I caught him cheating on me." Danny stopped to watch Mac's reaction to his confession. Mac just stared at him as if he hadn't said anything.

"What?" said Mac "You thought I didn't knew? I'm paid to pay attention to the details Danny, I knew you were gay little after you started here. And no, I don't mind what you do with your life, unless it affects your work here, and it looks it did."

"I know, Mac, and I'm sorry. Trust me, that won't happen never again."

"What happened after I fired you, Danny?"

"I went home, I think I did it because that's what I was used to do, and Andrew and I discussed some more. He said some things that were too painful for me, and I left. After that I called to my parents, asking for help, and they denied it. They hadn't barely talked to me since I told them I was gay."

"And after that you almost got hit by a car." Danny tried to hide his look, trying not to see Mac's face. "Danny, I'm going to ask you something, and I hope you answer it with the truth. Did you… You did it on purpose?"

"I wanted to stop the pain. I couldn't find another way, but I assure you I won't do it again. I was really confused and felt the world was letting me out, but I'm recovering my life, I'm taking control. I will be strong soon."

"I know, Danny. The hit in the head probably had something to do with it. That's why I won't report it, but I want you to talk with someone"

"I'm doing it, Mac, the cop I left the hospital with is the new homicide detective. He was the car that stopped just before he hit me. He took me to the hospital and later made me talk to him. He even took me to talk to Andrew to recover all he stole from me."

"I'm glad you finally found someone to open to. But after your medical leave I want you to talk to a shrink. It will be good for you." Mac opened a drawer and took off a cell phone "I recovered your sim card. If you need anyone to talk to, some place to crash, or simply to take more days off, call me. I'm glad you're fine, Danny."

Said that, Mac stood up and, as Danny did the same, embraced him. "Bad situations like this are the ones that make us strong enough to confront life, Danny, don't forget." And then he broke the hug.

"I prefer the popular say: if it won't kill you will make you stronger." Danny smiled at Mac and then turned to the door, his new phone in his hand.

As Danny went out of the office flack got closer to him. The smile from Danny said it all, and as their eyes collide, he understood what Mac said between lines.

He was ready to confront life now he found someone he could trust to help him in his darkest hours.

**That's the end of this chapter. Feel free to say what you think and thanks to those who say it. I'll try to update as soon as I can, work has been very busy lately.**


	8. Chapter 8

To be strong you don't really need to be able to do one hundred push-ups, or raise a lot of weigh. For Danny, to be strong means to be able to confront life knowing for sure he'll get what he needs and deserve. And just now, he had made a giant step to getthat strength really soon.

As he walked the few steps that separated him from the man that had been his pillar for the last hours, Danny felt for the first time relieved to be alive. Since his parents rejected him, he had been shredding his soul and his heart piece by piece, net really wanting to be involved with the world around him so he couldn't be hurt again. He tried to look for security, for something stable that eased his steps through life, and that meant not really care for the people around him.

That's what really happened with Andrew, he was absorbed with himself, he could have seen the signals, he should really have seen he was using him, but that meant get inside the relationship, and he was more the man that looks from the distance while the castle is being built, not noticing how fragile the walls are until suddenly it all collapse.

Flack was staring at him from the other side of the corridor. He knew his own face reflected everything, even the recent change on his mind, to be thankful everyday on his life for this second chance he's having.

Their eyes collided as Danny closed the space between them, unable to take away his eyes from those piercing blue, noticing something in his eyes that he really wasn't expecting, maybe that blue eyes, that remained him the sea in a nice day, were reflecting his hope or some hope of his own.

He was closer to him, looking for the right words to say, when suddenly he got distracted by Stella's curly hair as she entered the hall. As she saw Danny, Stella stopped looking through the file in her hand and smiled. She approached him and without any warning she hit him in the shoulder.

"What was that for?" asked Danny, while he could see Stella angry face and a smirking Flack.

"You got us worried all night! What did you expected me to? Hugh you? You had us looking for you all night, Danny, and that stupid… roommate you have told me you weren't living there anymore." Stella looked at Flack and blinded him with one of her trademark smiles "Hi. How are you? And why are you here, I though you were sick"

Flack straightened himself "Oh, yes, I am. I came with him and we're leaving soon because… I'm feeling awful." Flack looked at Danny, pleading him to get out of the precinct because he was supposed to be sick, and Danny understood.

"Look, Stella, I know there are a lot of things I have to explain to you, because I owe you, but that will be a very long conversation and I don't think you have time for that right now. Would you like to have dinner with me?"

"I'm on call, but I'll let you know when I can. And I'm relieved to see you're ok" With that, Stella turned and went back into the lab, leaving behind Danny, who was asking himself if Stella had given him that excuse so she didn't have to talk with him anymore.

"There are a lot of cases in this time of the year, and having a CSI on medical leave makes the ones standing to do more work. Is understable she has to work more now you're off, and she wants to do it without interruptions. Don't assume anything this soon, you have to wait a bit to see how things develop."

Danny looked at Flack, it was like the man had read his mind. Maybe he should follow his advice and wait a bit. Maybe even Stella wanted to wait and see if Danny really had changed after all. She looked as if she just talked to Andrew, and that man wasn't one to hide things, he probably spilled out everything to her, he didn't like her at all. Maybe it was because Stella always tried to make him see reality outside the reality he made to cover his feelings.

"Where do we go now, we should get out of here before more of your bosses see you here if you're supposed to be sick." Danny started walking to the elevator, followed by Flack, who pushed the button of the elevator.

"We should see if your ex gave you your money back." The elevator doors opened and both of them entered the empty cab.

"The banks are closed at this time of the afternoon"

"Maybe, but if you still have your credit cars we could see if they have money in them. We cold try the cash point around the corner."

The elevators doors opened back again and they entered the main entrance, busy as always. Danny gave a look at the place where he fell the day before and stopped in his tracks. He could see himself falling inert in hat point. How weak had he looked to all the cops around? How he could go back to work knowing he probably was the laugh of the day? He looked back at front and saw Flack waiting for him as he was still looking around to evade more bosses to see him still there. Danny smiled at him, he really looked sick when his superior found him there, probably he never fooled a sickness to evade work, but he was doing it now, for him. That gave him enough strength to keep on walking out of this place to come back as a new man.

The walk to the bank went smoothly and in silence for the two men, encased both on their own thoughts. The money was back, not all of it, but the stole has been minimal and he decided to tell Flack he had all the money back to stop the detective from doing any kind of act out of the law. Now they were back in the car, driving to Flack's place to have some rest. Both spent all day and night without sleeping due medical instructions to Danny, now the time he had to be awake was almost over, and he was sure they both needed some sleep.

He wasn't sure if he should really go back to his new friend's house. He really had offered him a place to stay until he could find one he could call home, but Danny felt unsure if Flack would meant it seriously, or if he was just feeling sorry for him.

"You know, Danny? We should order something at a restaurant and go back to the apartment to get some rest. I think we're about to pass out of tiredness." Flack said, emphasising his phrase with a yawn.

Danny looked back at him, and resigned. _Well, today I won't find any place to stay, and he offered it again, so let's just do it. Also maybe he's just this way, he's being really good for me, he's helping me, and even pity has a top. _

"Ok, but I'm paying"

"No objection, I just want food and a bed, or the coach, damn, even the floor looks tempting right now"

Danny couldn't suppress the laugh, and Flack smiled to him as he took the car into the parking lot at his building. Flack finally stopped the car and went out of the car, pressing his back against the door of his side, and giving another yawn.

"If you are too tired we can go back to the apartment, we ate not too long ago, and tomorrow we can have a big lunch somewhere." Danny offered, startled as Flack suddenly stood up and started going to the parking exit.

"Not even sleep can take me away from a dinner, and more so if is an invitation." Danny stared wide eyes as all the exhaustion he seemed to have suddenly disappeared. Flack stopped and turned smiling to him and raising his eyebrows, asking for him to move so they could get some food. Danny smiled and joined him just before both went back to the street.

Just this morning Danny didn't had anything, nor even a place to stay, a work to get him occupied or money to buy some food. Now he finds doing something he hadn't done in a lot of time, smile not only with his face, but with his whole soul. _After all, maybe the world has a place for me._

Like it, hate it, don't remember because it's been months since I updated? Feel free to say so. (I promise to update sooner this time)


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